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  • Writer's pictureLindsey DeChaine

The Revelation of an Expectation

Sometimes we create our own heartbreaks through expectations.”

God has put some fantastic people in my life, those I can rely on, who genuinely love me, and who lead me closer to Jesus. However, to be blunt, I have been agitated and hurt. Many have surprised me with their lack of interest unless there is a desirous request or selfish motive. No matter how much is given or how much I show up to indicate to others that I care, I am left empty in receiving what I think I deserve. I know it's an insensitive response of myself to say not knowing what is entirely going on in their lives and hearts.

Nonetheless, it's my truth in what I have experienced throughout my life. I have expected more, and when they don't meet my expectations, sometimes I think of why they don't care immediately before going to them first. That can lead my thoughts into a dark pit, which is why renewing the mind is vital (Romans 12:2). When I don't, I drown in my thoughts, spiraling out of control. Being still is crucial, and allowing God to direct my steps is critical. I am learning to accept that distress caused by others is inevitable, but I can control my reaction to the situation. What I do with my heart will influence my actions. I wholeheartedly believe in these words "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it" (Proverbs 4:23). Shifting my mindset and protecting who I spend my time with has helped.

Additionally, discovering the true meaning of grace has become fundamental in developing sincere relationships and viewing people through a different lens. Understanding Jesus's grace through a relationship with him has taught me that I need to work on extending grace to others more, even when they don't deserve it. He does it for me daily and extended grace with his sacrifice on the cross. He did it because of the unconditional love he has for me. He asks us to do the same for others. We should love and not expect in return. But also understand that when people let us down over and over again, it should not steal the joy God has given us. The joy has to remain in the Lord. If we have to remove ourselves from the situation or the person, that's okay too. Actions and habits over time will confirm if a person wants to be involved in your life genuinely.

Nonetheless, sometimes you must step away for a season to allow God to move in the silent space created. There may be a revelation in that person's life that will reconcile what happened, but other times it could be nothing. Forgiveness must happen but allowing that person to be back in your life is a decision to pray over fervently. It's okay to walk away and forgive, but it doesn't mean you forget. Also, I don't believe in holding in what you feel the need to confess because that can lead to resentment. Regardless, I think quiet time with God is crucial before anything is said to allow him to guide the words from a place of love. The truth should be declared, but it must come from the correct position of the heart and at the proper time. "Truth without grace is condemnation; grace without truth is compromise."

Lastly, no man is perfect, so to expect that of them is wrong. When I think I'm alone, I am not. The truth is I fear rejection, and when it happens, it permeates deep. Having high expectations that are not met makes me feel that rejection again. This goes back to my childhood when my biological dad said he would be there and never showed up. There is much more to that, but that is a quick example. Jesus experienced rejection many times, and still to this day, he does with people renouncing him as savior or choosing the flesh over the spirit. "He came to his own people, and even they rejected him" (John 1:11).Peter, one of his disciples, denied him three times (John 18:25-27). Jesus said this: "If the world hates you, understand that it hated me before it hated you" (John 15:18). Even with this, Jesus wholeheartedly pursued the purpose of why he was on the earth in human form. Don't let hurt, rejection or the failed expedition become a stronghold in your life. Move forward and pursue Jesus even when others continually fail to meet the expectations set. Love people where they are at and pray for them fervently. If I keep my eyes fixed on him, I will not sink. Reference the story of Peter when he walked on water in Matthew 14. "He(Jesus) will never leave or forsake you (Jeremiah 23:39)."

Release the mental burden of expectation to experience the freedom of grace. Don't create pain because of what others choose to do. Control what can be controlled.

Photo by Javardh on Unsplash

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