2024, An Epilogue
Everyone's story is different, so life begins when you learn to live out your own story, forgetting comparison and renewing your mind to align with God's perspective.
I felt stuck on a merry-go-round of empty thoughts without motivation to learn. I kept telling myself I don't retain information, so why try? I had a pity party and began a battle between flesh and spirit in my mind. The negative impact continued to lead me back to the same spot, drowning in discouragement that I allowed. It’s still a struggle, but I got help improving my view of myself and others.
How did I start to love myself better?
I began by renewing my mind to align with him. I wake up every morning and start with Jesus, whether in praise, prayer, reading his word, or simply sitting in silence and allowing the Holy Spirit to speak. Whether it was 5 or 45 minutes, I learned to be in his presence, and the more intentional time I spent, the more I enjoyed it.
I saw a Christian Trauma Coach/Counselor for a year consistently. I practiced breathing exercises to center me when anxiety was elevated. I practiced the strength to walk away from stressful situations, and I learned my triggers and space to allow the Holy Spirit to guide my actions when I felt like I wanted to lose control.
I plead the blood of Jesus over our home often and out loud, sometimes with oil, sometimes without, but his name is the power. I continue to speak verses against any evil principalities with authority over the rooms.
I stopped watching or listening to anything that made me convicted. It took me a long time to understand the power of what I allowed as a Christian, but biblically, I allowed Romans 12:2 to be a guide in my life. I began asking myself, why would I want to watch/ listen to anything demonic or anything sexual? I asked God to seek my heart, Psalm 139:23-24, and he revealed what he wanted me to give up to make me closer to him!
I threw out anything left of my exes, and yes, it took me years into my marriage to let go of my past. Not because I wanted that person back but because it was very challenging to let go of traumatic or rollercoaster events. I used to live on highs and lows. That was all I knew until I learned how to love myself, which made me love my husband better.
I started thanking the Lord daily for the blessings he had given me, even if I thought I deserved more, whether in my job, church, etc. I learned contentment and avoided anything that negatively caused jealousy. I unfollowed people, took steps back in serving, and started to pursue things and people that brought me joy.
I joined an accountability/Bible/leadership group. These girls prayed for, lifted, and encouraged me even when I was pessimistic about myself or my circumstances.
I had to begin the process of intentionally healing myself so that I could give wholeheartedly to others without reservation or resentment. My perspective resulted from my flesh and not the spirit. Healing is freedom, and God wants that for all his children. He will provide the resources for it to happen, but that first step must be taken.
Luke 8:48 – “Then he said to her, ‘Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.”
Photo by Kajetan Sumila on Unsplash